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Jul. 6th, 2010 @ 03:50 pm Being single.
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
I realized today that once again, I'm the only single person in my group of friends. The last time this happened, I was severely depressed about it. At the time I was still really messed up over my past relationship and several of my friends weren't just in relationships; they were happily planning their weddings. Not good times.
Now I'm not so much depressed as aggravated. On the one hand I have no problem with being single. I enjoy the freedom of not having to report to anyone before I decide to do something or having to take into consideration their plans or feelings or whatever. But on the other hand it's hard to enjoy that freedom when the people you're trying to spend time with do have significant others to report to. So by default I'm having to think about the significant others, too. It's like having 6 different husbands/boyfriends. Except none of the benefits. If you understand my vernacular. It's just super frustrating because 1.)a lot of my friends don't like leaving the house at night, so if we're going to hang out, it involves sitting around watching movies, where I like to actually get out and do stuff 2.) the few times I have managed to get someone to go out with me 11:30 was getting late because we have to get home so insert name won't worry 3.) the obvious I can't do anything because we've already made plans to be alone/with family/with other couples. There isn't anything for young singles at my church. Because there are only like 2 of us. There is however a large culture of young married people. Most with kids. And before I get the comment that I should invite more single people to church, I don't know any single people to invite to church. At least, no one that would actually come.
Which brings me to another reason why I'm not depressed about being the only single person in my group of friends. This time around I have other friends to hang out with. And I love every single one of them. They're not all single either, but maybe they've just been doing it too long to be painfully obvious about it. lol and I'm not sure some of them do care about reporting to the significant other. It's nice to branch out and hang out with different people. I spent a lot of time in high school at home by myself (hence the compulsion to go out so much now). Then I met Jacen and spent pretty much all of my free time with him for 2 plus years. When I wasn't with him or by myself I guess I hung out with the same group of people. I'm not sure where I'm going with this at this point. I was originally just trying to vent frustration that I can't make plans with anyone because of significant others. Now it's turned into oh look how much I've changed...which is a good thing. That I've changed. Maybe I'll do something different tonight and just chill at home. Or maybe I'll do the usual thing and go to the Fox. I don't know yet. But I'll be ok with whatever I do. Yay?
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Sep. 2nd, 2009 @ 01:55 pm Mini observation
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
"How can we further cement the opinions of Butler students that the police in this city are douches?"
"I know! Let's ride a bunch of horses down Sunset and cause traffic problems."
I'm sure there was a good reason. Maybe the horses needed exercise or training or something. And I'm sure that only a small percentage of police officers in Indianapolis are douches. For the most part they are wonderful people. But seriously. First segways and now horses? They should be on roller blades next. Or ice skates in the winter. The sidewalks don't get salted so I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem. Ok enough negative energy.
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Dec. 11th, 2008 @ 12:34 am Yay for not studying
Current Mood: tiredtired
Stole this from Bambi. Looked like much fun.

Rules :Turn on Google; look for the following expressions. Use your real name. Use the first thing that appears...

Well, this will be interesting.

Put "[your name] needs" on Google
Kathy needs to give herself some credit.

Put "[your name] looks like" on Google
Kathy looks like a rich suburban transvestite. Haha

Put "[your name] says" on Google
Kathy says: "zest those lemons"

Put "[your name] wants" on Google
Kathy wants you to YouTube, and no regrets (or sex) for Jordin Sparks

Put "[your name] does" on Google
Kathy does play therapy work.

Put "[your name] hates" on Google
Kathy hate me...more than Chloe the evil dog?

Put "[your name] asks" on Google
Kathy asks if she can hold Deeze nuts. haha

Put "[your name] becomes" on Google
Kathy becomes a girl...

Put "[your name] likes" on Google
Kathy likes pink.

Put "[your name] eats" on Google
Kathy eats dog s***. It was the first one that wasn't just "it". :(

Put "[your name] wears" on Google
Kathy wears me out!

Put "[your name] was arrested for" on Google
Kathy was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct.
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Nov. 6th, 2008 @ 10:14 pm Glorious
This is even better than the first one.

Also, Jacen showed me this. It is amazing.

Completely glorious.
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Nov. 5th, 2008 @ 12:53 am Good feelings gone.
Current Mood: scaredscared
So, I wasn't going to vote today. Honestly, I didn't much care for either candidate. Then I felt bad, so I decided to at least write someone in and make a statement. So yay, I joined the masses that wrote Ron Paul in on the ballot. And no, it's not because of other people's influence. I came to love Ron Paul on my own without much help from ex boyfriends. I really wish he had made it. Or Huckabee. I would have had no trouble with either of them. Or if Hillary had beaten Obama. I didn't think I cared who won tonight. But now...for some reason, I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Jacen says, "welcome to socialism." I don't know if I think it will be that extreme, but I think of all the people I know that live off of the government. All of my family members that sit around and moan and complain but don't do anything about their situation, and they all were rooting for Obama (of course, they didn't vote. That would require leaving the house for a reason other than going to the dollar store). So I don't know how I feel about all of this. I just know that I'm getting really bad vibes. I really hope Obama isn't the Antichrist.

Oh, and according to the Facebook group I just joined, Obama is really the third black president. David Palmer was the classic, and his brother Wayne came in second. David is still my president.
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Sep. 6th, 2008 @ 12:28 am Can't sleep
Current Mood: blahblah
So I'm going to do one of these survey things. I haven't done this one in two years, so I'm interested in what the answers will be now.

01. When's the last time you ran?
I did the equivalent of running 2.5 miles in my aerobics class yesterday.

002. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
My favorite pair has a hole in the inner thigh, and I am very sad about it.

003. What are you dreading right now?:
Work tomorrow.

004. Do you celebrate 4/20?:
Um, no.

005. Favorite country singer?:
Hate country with all the fires of hell, but if I were forced to listen I'd say Carrie Underwood.

006. What face cleanser do you use?:
Proactive is all that works for me.

007. When was your last doctors visit?:
About a year ago.

008. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep?:
Almost never. Sometimes it's 5 hours, sometimes it's 12. Never 8.

009. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?:
45 minutes if I'm really on crunch time.

010. "First Loves Are Never Over" is this true for you?:
Sometimes. Depends what kind of mood I'm in.

011. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
If certain situations were different, definitely.

012. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would they find you wearing?
I don't really have lazy days anymore.

013. Does your school have tornado drills?:
I'm assuming they do.

014. Have you ever been on your schools track team?:
that is funny

015. Do you own a pair of Converse?:
i stole my mom's once for several years.

016. Who did you cut and paste this survey from?:
Bambi's friend page originally, myself this time.

017. Do you eat raw cookie dough?:
Haven't in a while, which is probably why I've been kind of depressed lately.

018. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?:
No. I have cursed at one, though.

019. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by overplaying them?:
The Christian radio station doesn't really have that problem...or maybe I just don't get sick of Christian songs as easily.

020. Would you rather they play the whole video or just a clip of it on TRL?:
Is TRL even on anymore?

021. Do you watch Trading Spaces?:
Not really

022. How do you eat Oreos?:
um, i put them in my mouth and chew them.

023. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone to sign in?:
I never had to wait very long.

024. Are you cocky?:
I didn't used to be, but I think since my self-esteem risen a little it comes with the territory.

025. Shortest relationship?:
a couple of weeks

026. Longest?:
2 years, 3 months and 16 days.

027. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have told you they love you?:

028. Did you say it back to all of them?

029. Did you mean it?:
with one (the other is strictly as a brother. Well, not when we were dating, b/c that would have been weird)

030. Could you live without a computer?:

031. Do you wear shoes in your house?:

032. When you watch movies at home, do you turn the lights off?:
No, I don't really like to turn the lights off for some reason.

033. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
prolly like, 7 or so

034. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house?:
two cells, and technically a land phone that remains unplugged.

035. What do you do when you're sad?:
Cry. A lot. Then eat my feelings.

036. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
Probably my dad.

037. Last time you saw your best friend?:
Depends. Most of them I saw Wednesday. One of them I haven't seen in several days.

038. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I wish it was easier for me to let people know how I feel when I'm upset or pissed.

039. Last movie you rented?:
I Am Legend. Made me cry real bad. If you've seen it, you know why.

040. What sleeps with you every night?:
my kitties. Chloe usually sleeps with me more than Zorro.

041. How many times have you been pulled over?:
None so far.

042. Pancakes or French toast?:
French toast.

043. How do you like your eggs?:
over easy

044. Are you in high school?:
No, praise God

045. Is anyone on your bad side right now?:

046. What jewelry are you wearing?:

047. What's the first thing you do when you get online?:
check my email

048. Do you own any TV seasons on DVD?:
First four seasons of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, first season of 24, first season of The Tudors, the whole Firefly series (which was only one season), and the sixth and seventh seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

049. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?:
No, but I do watch Scrubs. Aren't they like the same thing? ;)

050. How do most people spell your name?
Sometimes they spell it with a C instead of a K, or they think my name is Katie

051. Do you wear your boy/girlfriends clothes?:
I wear my ex-boyfriend's pajama pants frequently. But that's because he never really wore them anyway.

052. Do you watch pro sports on TV?:
Sometimes Pacer games to see my brother

053. What do you do before you sleep every night?:
I try to read my Bible, and then I watch adult swim

054. What was the first movie that gave you nightmares?
Friday the 13th, which is funny because I never actually saw it. Now I have zombie nightmares a lot.

055. Who's your favorite celebrity couple?:
Don't really care

056. Favorite 80's teen movie?
Lost Boys, or is Labyrinth considered a teen movie?

057. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson or Elton John?
JT is hot.

058. Do you know anyone who wasn't born in the United States?:
Probably, though I can't think of any now

059. Favorite name for a boy?

060. Will you keep your last name when you get married?

061. Your favorite restaurant you don't get to eat at much?:
Naked Chopstix

062. When is the last time you left your house?:
Yesterday to go to class.

063. Do you buy your own school supplies?:
Not really.

064. Do you already have your school supplies?:

065. Have you ever cursed at a teacher?:
I don't think I ever have AT a teacher.

066. How do you eat your steak?:
medium with A-1 sauce

067. Who is your favorite rapper?:
Christian: I like Nue Breed, Secular: I hate to say it, but Ludacris (he's hilarious)

068. How do you get to school?:
Drive; wish I lived on campus

069. If you heard your phone ringing right now, who do you expect it to be?
I don't know who would call me this late

070. What noise do you hear?
both tvs are going right now.

071. Would you survive in prison?

072. Next concert you hope to go to?:
not really a concert, but i want to see The Lion King for Christmas

073. What was the last thing you ate?:

074. When was the last time you said I love you, and meant it?:
prolly whenever I was on the phone with a family member last, or in a text message to jacen encouraging him not to lose his self-esteem

076. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likely over pack the most?
probably mary

077. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?:

078. How many syllables does your name have?:

079. What does your license plates say?:
it has a bunch of numbers on it

080. When is the last time you ate peanut butter?:
i think a couple of weeks ago

081. What brand is your cell phone?:
LG, or Lame Gay, as my dear friend Benny would say

082. What's for dinner?:
tomorrow, hopefully sushi

083. What's the last thing you purchased?:
a coke from the vending machine

084. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?:
i usually pay for stuff for my siblings

086. Is your phone on vibrate or ring most?:

087. What brand is your shirt right now?:
it's a UE Gives Back shirt

088. Ever been to Georgia?:

089. Did you have breakfast this morning?:

090. Do you like marshmallows?

091. What irritates you on the internet?:
being on myspace

092. What brand is your digital camera?

093. Do you watch movies with your parents?:

094. Do you wear short shorts?:
God no

095. Do you think you could be pregnant?:
If God said, "Just kidding Mary, you aren't the only virgin mother."

096. What song describes your love life at the moment?:
what love life?

097. Do you own expensive cologne/perfume?
I use Victoria's Secret body spray, which I guess some people consider to be expensive

098. On average, how much do your jeans cost?:
probably like 30

099. Are you taking college classes?

100. Do your parents know you cuss?:
i only swear occasionally, but yes, they know

101. Do they care?:
it's not often or severe enough for them to care

102. Did you see Harold and Kumar go to White Castle?:
Yes, and I'm sad to say that it is an absolutely glorious movie.

103. Have you ever been to White Castle?:
Yes, and I've learned to like it a little

104. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone?:
of course it depends on who I'm sleeping with, but definitely with someone

105. Do you like the Phillies?:
don't care

106. Do you like sushi?:
Sushi is my life.

107. Do you get your hair cut every month?:
more like every 6 to 8 weeks; once I went over a year

108. Have you ever made out in front of your parents?
never really did it that much in the first place, let alone in front of the parents

109. Do you go online everyday?:

110. Last Question. Do you read everyone's bulletins?:
I Facebook stalk.
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Mar. 15th, 2008 @ 03:03 am (no subject)
Current Mood: depressedreally really depressed
I feel like I'm dying. Tonight I had the hardest conversation I've ever had to have in my life. I want to just stop life for like five days. But it's not going to stop for me. I'm so glad we're still friends. Still, I kinda wish he had put up a fight.
I'm kind of hating life right now. Maybe I'll talk more later.
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Sep. 27th, 2007 @ 10:21 pm Fun
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: "District Sleeps Alone Tonight" by The Postal Service
Stole this from Brandi.Collapse )
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Sep. 26th, 2007 @ 09:30 pm Happy Birthday
Current Location: desk
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: "You're Everywhere" by Third day
Wow, I'm 20. I feel like I should be so much older than that. Or at least one year older. It's not that I'm ready to go drinking, but I would like to be able to do more things. It would open up so much more opportunities for dates. And I could hang out with Jacen's friends.
My birthday was quiet, but nice. I skipped my first class, almost failed an exam in my next class, worked for three hours, and went home. Jacen made me a cake and we spent the afternoon and evening laying around watching tv and cuddling. Best present ever.
I love all my friends that said happy birthday on Facebook. It's kind of sad that no one called me or anything, but whatever. My mom didn't even call. No one did, actually. Not even my grandparents, which is weird. Well, they did drop off my present this morning. I wasn't here, but Jacen was. Maybe that's why they haven't called. They didn't know I had given him a garage door opener, and they probably don't approve. They'll get over it.
Tomorrow is a busy day, and I need to get a lot of sleep tonight. Later.
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Sep. 23rd, 2007 @ 10:50 pm Pills make the phone calls go away
Current Mood: stressedstressed
My life is weird. On the one hand, my life is passing by in a crazy, stressful blur and I can't do anything to stop it. On the other hand, I also feel like my life is kind of stale and not going anywhere. Does that make any sense?
I've started going to church again. Sort of. I went this past Wednesday. I'm not going this week because it's my birthday and I want to spend it with Jacen. But after that I want to start going regularly again.
My dad left. I hate it. I miss him a lot more than I thought I would. I hate being in this house by myself. I'm so freaking lonely. Sometimes I really wished that Jacen and I just lived together. I know I've kind of become too dependent on him. It makes me feel pathetic. I think I'll get over it. Right now things are just really hard. I never wanted to live by myself. I had planned on living at home (in the sense that my parents are there) until I got married. I know I've got it really good. I live in this big nice house all by myself and I don't have to pay for it. But what's the point in having a big house to yourself if you can't enjoy it? It's not like I'm going to have big parties or anything because I don't really have any friends and the few friends I do have are either wrapped up in their own lives or boyfriends or they just don't want to drive all the way out here. It kind of sucks. I'm not totally alone. Jacen's mom had to get rid of her cats so I took them. I absolutely love them to death. If it weren't for these cats I would probably freak out. Even with them here though it still really sucks. Being lonely is like the worst feeling in the world.
So what else has happened in my life? I went to the dentist twice. Once for a cleaning that was six months overdue. Then again to have three cavities filled. I'm like a laughing gas veteran by now. I don't know why I get so many cavities. Sure I drink a lot of Coke, but lots of people consume a lot of sugar. And I brush my teeth a lot. Hmm. I had to get a full x-ray for the first time because apparently I'm an adult now. And they suggested that I get my wisdom teeth out during winter break. I hate going to the dentist. It's too bad my dentist is really nice.
So um, I really hate school. I wish I didn't. I feel like a huge ass for transferring now. I guess it doesn't matter because with dad moving I may not have been able to go back to UE anyway so at least I left on my own terms. But it still sucks. I haven't made any friends. No one is very nice. At UE strangers would like, smile and say hi to you. Here no one gives you a second glance. Sure, I've met a couple of people in my classes that are cool, but it's not like we hang out. And living off campus makes it really hard to connect. Butler just isn't very nice to transfer students or commuter students. Or people who are undeclared. And I'm all of those things. I changed my major again because I just don't know what I want to do with my life. And unless it turns out to be business, pharmacy, or dance, I'm wondering if there's any point at staying here. I'm seriously considering just going to IUPUI. I'd feel like such a goon transferring again. And with this whole depression thing I've got going on, I don't know if I'll really be happy anywhere. I may be just as miserable at IUPUI. But at least I'd be saving money. And there's a lot more to choose from there. And I feel like people would be more understanding because there's a lot more people who transfer to IUPUI, and commute to IUPUI. I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I know this has been a huge bitch fest. I'm sorry. I'm just in a really bad mood. I'm lonely, and upset because I get to see my boyfriend like three hours at a time maybe three times a week. And I don't know what I want to do with my life. And I'm incredibly stressed because of class, and studying, and group projects that Butler professors like to make students do outside of class, and maintaining a huge house by myself, and lots of other fun stuff.
I wish I could just, quit life, for like five minutes.
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